the road ahead

There is a light at the end of the tunnel. How you are feeling will get better. I am not going to lie to you and tell you that it is a smooth and easy course, but it can be done. The hardest part is already over, whatever you went through is done.  A much more difficult step is learning to accept what happened and that it was not your fault.  Sometimes things happen that are out of our control.  Our experiences, good and bad, have a huge impact on shaping the people we become. I am very proud of the strong person I am now. 

Something good that can come from the horrible experiences you endured is strength. These experiences make us survivors. I honestly feel now that I can survive anything and that is something I am proud of. 

In order to move on, you must accept what has happened and forgive those who caused the physical or emotional hurt.  It’s one of the most releasing parts of the healing process.  Will you heal completely? NO. Ever? NO. But, don’t let it become something you walk around with 24-7. Don’t let it interfer with the good parts of your life.  

People do bad and hurtful things.  One action of another person can impact your entire life. They can shake your world up.  Those people will never know what they have truely done to me physically and emotionally.  Those acts i will never be able to forget.  They caused major trust issues, that i am still having to work through.  Each day is a step in the right direction. 


the beauty of pain

You never know what is behind someones smile.  Sometimes the prettiest and brightest smiles are hiding much darker feelings. Everyone has a different story.  Some stories less tragic than others.  People often think pain is the worst feeling that you can feel.  The worst feeling you can possibly feel is the numbness that comes along with trying everything in your power to feel nothing at all.  Many of us go to extremes in hope of not feeling past tragic events, or in my case, many tragic events. 

I am often described by others as being shy, but also by being bubbly and overly happy.  This is farthest from the truth.  One of the worst ways of dealing with tragedy is by putting up a barrier toward people and not letting them in.  It can be very challanging for some of us to let anyone past the wall we spend so long putting up.  We feel that if nothing is let in, then we can’t possibly get hurt.  

Pain should be considered a subtle reminder that we are still alive and that we were strong enough to make it through whatever we did. Everyone feels various pains throughout their lives. Without pain could we really know or appreciate the good and enjoyable times in our lives? The good times make the bad times worse, but the bad times make our good times much sweeter.  Many of us need to remind ourselves of this regularly.  

Many of us find it hard to open up and share our feelings, even with the people we care about.  I find that even when i can open up to someone i can’t completely open up.  This comes from the constant abandonment in my life, or at least that’s what i blame it on.  This gives us a means of protecting ourselves from hurt.  Some of us feel that everyone in our life will eventually walk away from us and never come back.